Can coaching help me? Part III

Part III of this post: http://www.solution-scope.com/blog/?p=682#more-682

Here are some more real examples that Dr. Ernst Bechinie (http://www.solutioncoaching.ch) put together that show when coaching can help:

Executives an a Cross-Road

Story 1: Executive released with 50

 

I have been in the corporation over 20 years. Career till director’s level with a number of successful international assignments. Due to a drastic strategy change and a “clear table philosophy” my contract has been terminated.

This is now three months ago. Financially I am O.K. for the moment – despite some details that have to be cleared.

Professionally I feel completely lost. I have never looked at the market, never wrote a CV or had an application interview. My career was happening inside the company. People knew me and new assignments were discussed and somehow influenced by me. Now I am vey unclear what to do. On some days is it difficult to collect my energy. Ask people for favours, meeting and talking to people. Everything is very unsure and unclear. Things take much longer than you think. These are emotional ups and downs. It is a mixture of hope and well even despair.

Some people tell me I have to get over my anger and make a clear cut with my past.

Where can I land with 50?  

 

Story 2: Manager over 40, in search for his future

 

Here I am at 40, and suddenly I am having serious doubts about the company, its future direction and my role in the company. In fact I am building up a feeling of hostility to the extent that I cannot stand it in this company any more.

 

Like most of us, when I started, it all looked great. I thought I could move something here, contribute and stamp my own identity on the role. And for all these years I was moving fast in my career with a very successful track record. Having various management positions with increasing responsibilities.  But now. No! I am getting the distinct feeling that the boss tries to play all kinds of games with me and the working climate gets worse and worse. 

 

Why is this happen to me? What am I going to do now?! Do I have to start all over again? Move to a new company?

Rushing from one interview to the next? Then what will happen, in 15 months I might end up where I am now, but in another company?! That does not sound great, but I know it is a real possibility. But what else can I do? Is it time that I take my life in my own hands? Where is my passion?  What is the meaning of my life? What do I really want to do and achieve in the future? 

 

Story 3: What is the purpose of my life now?

 

“… I was confronted with the question shall I go on to work in this manner. I like to work, but I did not want to be totally consumed by my corporation. After 25 years of successful corporate life coming up to VP with a worldwide responsibility in my function I started to think about other sides of life. Then my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. In addition to that I also had an operation. This increased my determination to take life into my own hand and I opted for our early retirement plan effective in 6 months from now for me. Further thinking came up in me when I heard about one of our Senior VP. He had gone into retirement a year ago an had disappeared from the world. During his career he was living only for the corporation and nothing existing besides his functional role. He was one of the biggest contributors to the corporation with very successful and spectacular product launches. I have just found out that he went into a deep depression after retirement and was in treatment for over 9 months. He told me that he almost died.

 

I am going to be prepared for my new life after the corporation. My prevailing question now is: what purpose will I give to my life”? And there are many fascinating ideas. I am curious what will happen in this new adventure!”

 

Story 4: Director in search of a direction

 

Following a long and industrious career I decided to take early retirement in order to benefit from full health and to be able to spend more time with my family. After a short period I realised that I missed certain aspects of my revious professional career and felt that a future of just gardening at 61 was not giving me fulfilment and I need some sort of activity that would complement and enrich my life.  Out of the blue I was offered something by a former associate from my company. First I was happy to get something proposed without any effort on my side and frankly I felt flattered to suddenly have a title – “Senior Consultant” of a respected company. However, after a short time, following meetings with the company and an introductory programme arranged for my benefit, I started to have my doubts. Something at the back of my mind was telling me that the “product” was not something that I could closely relate to, nor did I feel a real passion for the “product”. I knew from my past that without this passion and commitment I would not be able to throw my heart and soul into the activity.

Then I was confronted by another sense, which became a resistance. I was leaving my recently obtained comfort zone of early retirement. It was very cosy for the moment, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to take action to move out of this comfort zone. This left me at a cross roads, I wanted to do something, but clearly not this offered activity. But how could I redirect my energies, and find a new direction. There seemed to be so many roads to choose from but no directions. So how to start afresh? And what direction to go with all these possible roads?

 

These are only some examples where coaching can be the right thing to do to improve your situation and/or reach your goals. If you want to find out more or have any questions about if coaching might be right for you, please contact Dr. Ernst Bechinie directly – www.solutioncoaching.ch.

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Can coaching help me ? Part II

This entry is part 2 of 3 in the series Can coaching help me?

Part II of this post: http://www.solution-scope.com/blog/?p=682#more-682

Here are some more real examples that Dr. Ernst Bechinie (http://www.solutioncoaching.ch) put together that show when coaching can help:

People on a personal Cross-Road 

Story 1: Lady-Teacher, 38 on a Cross-Road

 

I am now 10 years teaching at the Gymnasium. On one side I love this profession. I like to teach and work with parents. I meet a lot of interesting people. Presently I am also involved in general topics of organisation in the school. However there is another side. There is this feeling of narrowness and repetition. I feel of being in a dead end road. And I am afraid of a standstill, of not developing any more. During my training as teacher I had also studied journalism. For some time I had than worked in a PR-agency besides my studies. But I had decided of taking the route of security. This decision does not fit for me any more. It means that too much of my wishes are not fulfilled and many of my resources stay unused. At the same time I also hear these inner and outer voices: “You can’t do that – just leaving Continue reading Can coaching help me ? Part II

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Can coaching help me?

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series Can coaching help me?

I almost daily meet people who ask me the above question. Can coaching help me? Could a coaching be the right thing to do in my situation? When do I need coaching? When can coaching help?

Fortunately, Dr. Ernst Bechinie (http://www.solutioncoaching.ch), a fellow solution focused coach who works in Lausanne, Switzerland, just put together real case studies of his coaching clients that show typical situations where coaching can help to improve. The essence thereby is to support clients finding a new direction with confidence. And assist them to do the right step at the right time.

Situations of „Personal Life Changes“

 

What is the purpose of my life now?

“… I feel confronted with the question shall I go on to work in this manner. I like to work, but I do not want to be consumed. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer. Continue reading Can coaching help me?

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The 10 secrets of successful leadership: Secret Number 9 – Focus on similarities instead of differences

This entry is part 9 of 10 in the series The 10 secrets of successful leadership

We are used to focus on (negative) differences and argue about those. This behavior is ususally leading to conflicts amongst people (e.g. leader and team) and even wars amongst countries, but it never leads to progress and success! If you really want to succeed it makes much more sense to focus on similarities instead of differences, because usually much more is similar than different.

In an interview in 2003 with Victor Yalom, Insoo Kim Berg said : “I think too many people talk about culture/ethnicity as being a bigger difference than is necessary. [...] I have a lot of gripes about the way that cultural differences are talked about in this country. My main gripe has to do with emphasizing the differences between cultures—what is different between you and me, instead of talking about what is similar between you and me. That we are all human beings with the same aspirations, same needs, same goals. When I look at those things, it’s very easy to translate. It’s the same everywhere you go. Everyone wants to be accepted, validated, supported, loved, and to belong to a community. That’s not different at all, no matter where you go. It’s a different way of belonging to the group, but that’s a small difference. But even among the same culture, like among the white middle class, there’s so many variations. Continue reading The 10 secrets of successful leadership: Secret Number 9 – Focus on similarities instead of differences

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Focusing on the Relationship in Conjoint Solution-Focused Interviewing

This article was written by Coert Visser on www.solutionfocusedchange.com:

Solution-Focused practitioners often have to interview two clients at once who are in some kind of close relationship with each other (a dyad). This is called conjoint interviewing. In these situations it is often the case that one of them is more motivated that the other for the conversation. A complicating factor may be that they are angry at each other. In these situations it often helps to ask a well formulated question which focuses on the relationship between the two. Here is an example of how a solution-focused practitioner may respond:

Client 1
John is so lazy and manipulative! He lets me do all the work. And afterwards he even tries to take credit for my work.
Client 2
Pete is always complaining and playing the victim … Such a baby! Grow up, man!
SF-coach
Okay, I understand, things between the two of you are not going the way either of you want them to. Is that right?
Client 1
You got that right!
Client 2
Yeah, right.
SF-coach
Okay, then I understand that the both of you are here trying to improve things…. What would need to come out of this conversation so that you would say: things between us are moving in the right direction now?

 

This type of response helps to avoid the clients to start elaborating on causes of problems but instead…read more here http://solutionfocusedchange.blogspot.com/2010/01/focusing-on-relationship-in-conjoint.html
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Great Solution Focused Tool: The Minute Dice

It probably happens in your busy days that you need a time-out. Just a few minutes break to think and reflect. Often that can happen over a cup of coffee with a good colleague but either you work alone or your colleague is just as busy as you are. Or maybe it’s too difficult to phrase your thoughts clearly in that specific moment.

Don’t despair Jesper Christiansen created a tool for you here: http://www.jesperchristiansen.com/?pid=26

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A Teacher’s Story

This entry is part 4 of 4 in the series Stories to think about as a leader

An inspiring story to think about as a teacher or as a leader.

Read more here: http://www.llerrah.com/teacherstory.htm

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New Year Resolutions – study with evidence for SF

Mark McKergow pointed to an article in the Guardian newspaper by Richard Wiseman, that has highlighted some do’ s and don’ts about tackling New Year resolutions (Thank you Mark for the following text). 

Wiseman has conducted a study about what helps people actually carry out their good intentions.

Focussing on the downside of not changing, simply attempting to supress cravings and merely visualising success were not found to be a reliable route – even though these ideas are regularly pushed by self-help gurus. More success was had by those who broke their goals down into smaller steps, told friends about their goals (growing in the interaction), focused on the benefits of success and kept a progress diary.  Sounds like a good SF recipe
to me!

You can read the Wiseman article at http://tinyurl.com/yzr3n3v .

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Atelier SOLUTIONCOACHING Lausanne, Switzerland

Atelier SOLUTIONCOACHING

Jan 26  2010, 13:30 – 17:30 in Hotel Mövenpick Ouchy/Lausanne.

Participants spend an afternoon in a learning group of max 10 people with the opportunity of

  • Practising nonjudgmental feedback
  • Experiencing active listening
  • Working with solution oriented questioning

The special topic for the event will be “Time to Think”

“A model of human interaction that dramatically improves the way people think, and thus the way they communicate and work.

Listening – the quality of people’s attention for each other – is the core of this method” (see book below).

There will be enough time for participants to practise in small groups.

As always there will be a chance of one Live Coaching Session for a participant. Continue reading Atelier SOLUTIONCOACHING Lausanne, Switzerland

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SOLworld summer retreat 2010

Re-charge your battery and spend some well balanced relaxing and learning time with SF practitioners in the Swiss mountains.

Aug 16th-21st 2010

In Passugg (Chur), Switzerland.

 

As a participant you can look forward to 4 days of inspiring, relaxing, reflecting and learning activities. We will open the space for things that YOU need to happen in order to make that step forward in your life and work. We plan workshops, inspirational sessions, activities and open spaces around topics that matter to all of us.  

Examples:

_exchanges about research in SF,

_inspirational fields in the world of science,

_praxis-reflections and practical wisdom,

_walks and swimming,

_SF awareness exercises, games and other playfulness.

The group of 6 developed the concept out of our own wishes and preferred ways of getting new energy and ideas to take our own next steps…

 

There’s an information sheet on the ning-site and some pictures that can help you to plan and to imagine the beautiful location within the mountains, next to an authentic and pleasurable Swiss town: http://www.solworld.org/events/solworld-summer-retreat

 

We are very happy to welcome 21-37 SF practitioners (depending on single- or double room occupancy), in order of enrollment. This summer retreat allows us to learn and exchange in an intimate group for a bit longer than the annual conference.  We trust that this will bring us  a higher level of getting familiar with each other’s ways of working and thinking and being SF.

 

And YES, the registration is opened now: http://ilfarosfcourse.wufoo.com/forms/sol-summer-retreat-2010/

 

 

We are curious who else will be there

Looking forward to seeing you in Passugg or earlier in Bucharest

 

Anton Stellamans, Björn Johansson, Eva Persson, Jesper Christiansen, Kati Hankovszky, Liselotte Baeijaert

The group of 6

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